God Doesn't Need My Help

February 2021

God is doing a deep work inside me. I am being vulnerable. I am being open, raw, and transparent. I mess up! I have today and many times before. I am not perfect. That’s not an excuse or a victim mentality, it’s the truth. Only Jesus in me is perfect. I do, however, want to be more and more like Him everyday. I want Him to expose, change, adjust, and align areas in me that are needed so I can become more like Him. I am a work in progress as I lay in the hands of the Potter and allow Him to mold me. I am mush before Him.

“Can I not do to you as this potter has done to his clay? As the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are you in My hand.” Jeremiah 18:6 NLT

Exposure is not fun. I want all that is self to be made known so I can be a vessel He can use. I want none of me but all of Him. Where I am weak, He is strong. Where I am in process, He is my Perfector. Only in Him can I be free and whole.

“For in Him we live and move and have our being..” Acts 17:28 NLT

For some time now, I have been asking the Lord to expose where I am weak, take me through a deeper purification process and make me into His image. I want Him to empty me of me and fill me with Him. Expose all that is not of You, Jesus!

Little did I know that a deeper purification would be a lot like asking for patience. Those who have asked for patience know the trials that come with it. I would not suggest asking for patience unless prepared to walk a narrow road. Purification is the same way. What is in you, if yielded to the Spirit, will get exposed. It won’t be pretty, it will be uncomfortable, but it will create a beautiful vessel in the end.

“But you are our Father, LORD. We are like clay, and you are like the Potter. You created us, so do not be too angry with us or hold our sins against us forever. We are Your people; be merciful to us.” Isaiah 64:8-9 GNT

No matter how painful it is, I yield so that light can shine to the hidden places. I want truth to illuminate the dark so I can be free from all self. Light exposure in a dark room creates a beautiful picture. It is a process, but in the end it is a great finished product. I want my life to be a beautiful picture of Jesus. I want all of Him and none of me. I am thankful that He loves me so much that He exposes where I am weak or feeling the need to control so I can come before Him once again and lay at His feet.

When exposure happens, like light flashing through the dark room, it hurts and makes you cringe. But, your eyes eventually adjust to the light and begin to see again. The quicker the adjustment happens the less painful the process is. Even though it hurts, it won’t be as painful if we lay at His feet, repent, and align to His perfect will.

Truth has to be exposed. Light has to shine. What is hidden must come out to be able to go where God is taking many of us. Even the small things, minor, little bitty things most wouldn’t even think twice about—the little foxes. I want it gone! I want to be spotless, holy, without any self in me. I want to die daily to self, control, and anything that isn’t Him.

“Catch for us the foxes, the little foxes that ruin the vineyards, our vineyards that are in bloom.” Song of Songs 2:15 NIV

Although I am not perfect, I want to be as close as I can to the Perfector so I can be a reflection of Him. I want my children to grow up seeing their mother abiding in His presence. He is all I need as much as He is all they need. They don’t need me, they need to see Jesus in me. My friends don’t need me, they need to see Jesus in me. They don’t need my advice, they need the Holy Spirit. Me thinking they need me is simply selfish. The only way to reflect Him is to die to self and expose all character flaws and hidden things (even the tiny things) to become more like Him in all areas of life. In my weakness He can remain strong.

“But He said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 2 Corinthians 12:9-11 NIV

We often ask the Lord to purify our nation and expose the darkness in our country's systems, but we are not willing to walk through the process personally. Without personally walking through a process and overcoming it, we will never have authority in those areas to see change elsewhere. It first has to start in us and I personally am done fighting the process. I chose to lay my life down again at His feet and ask Him to purify me. As I lay my life down daily, I can’t be shocked when He highlights new things He wants to remove from me because I asked for it—I surrendered. I gave up a long time ago and surrendered to Him. So, I have to thank Him in those times of exposure.

I thank God that He loves me enough to help guide me to become a pure bride without spot or wrinkle. No, I am not perfect, but I sure can allow Jesus to mold me to be more like Him. Just when I think I've got it all together, He highlights something else. But, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I want it all gone! I want to be like Him! I want to be empty so He can fill me. I want to repent, ask for grace from those that I may have affected, and soar higher with Jesus.

“So then, dear friends, since you are looking forward to this, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace with Him.” Peter 3:14 NIV

Although being in an exposure process, publicly or privately, big or small, often brings consequences, I ask the Lord that my past choices don’t affect others around me. I want all hidden things revealed so they can be healed. I want every layer to be like glass–transparent in all my ways. Better now than later!

It may be something so small, but I still want it gone. Even though people say you have to be careful what you ask for, in this season I have asked that all hidden things be uncovered. Yes, some moments have been more painful than others, but either way I want it removed! I want everything exposed so that I can become an empty, clean vessel for Him to use. None of me and all of You, Jesus!

“Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work.” 2 Timothy 2:21 ESV

Like spring cleaning, I desire to clean my inner man routinely so that I am found of honorable use for my Master to do His work. Therefore, as a recent exposure came, it wasn’t surprising. I knew it had to go. Jesus wanted to uproot something in my life with force and shine His light. He is good like that. It hurt, but it caused me to fall down to my knees, repent, ask those around me to forgive me, and stay low before His throne.

“Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.” James 4:7 ESV

At Jesus’ feet is where I want to stay as He takes layer by layer of self away. I thought I died to self a long time ago, but He is taking me deeper–calling me higher. Going higher means less of self so He can mold me and make me into His image; a beautiful portrait of Him and for Him.

“But as for you, O man of God, flee these things. Pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.” 1 Timothy 6:11 ESV

It isn’t fun. Not in a shameful way, shame is not God, but in a healthy fear of Him. A fear in a way that I don’t want to do anything that hurts His heart or others. He doesn’t need my help. I’ve even put that on sticky notes to hang around my home this week. “He doesn’t need my help!” He is God. What He shows and says is true and comes to pass. I don’t have to allow any self to sneak back in and try to do things in my own power. He doesn’t need me. He doesn’t need my help, He needs my selflessness. Death to self. In my emptiness, He can be strong. As He exposes my weaknesses, that allows Him to remain strong in me. I can’t do anything without Him, nor do I want to.

His loving exposure brings a healthy brokenness before Him so He can do the purifying, make me new, and strengthen me. In this season, He is shaking, purifying, and removing all selfish desires from me, others, and our nation. If you are finding yourself in a process like me, I encourage you to surrender. Let Him rip the band-aid off and expose hidden things so we can go deeper in Him, lower before Him, and higher with Him.

“And He was saying to them all, “If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me.” Luke 9:23 NASB

I am so thankful that I only have to please one man, that I don’t care what others think of me–only Jesus. But, He cares and loves me enough to expose things, big and small, that need to be exposed so He can purify me and take me higher with Him. I once again lay at His feet and ask Him to take it all; my life, all self, and make me into something He can use. All the little hidden things must go as His light in love shines through the dark. Although it is a process and I’ve messed up plenty, I ask the Lord to refine me through His purifying fire and wash off all the need to control or “help” Him along the way.

“He will sit as a Refiner and Purifier of silver, and He will purify the sons of Levi and refine them like gold and silver, and they will bring offerings in righteousness to the Lord.” Malachi 3:3 ESV

I now, once again, get back on my raft and float with Him. I rest knowing He is making me into a spotless, purified bride. He is the Perfecter of my faith and I once again put all trust back into His hands. I am yours, Lord. Whatever comes my way, I GET OUT OF THE WAY and let You have control. Everyday, I surrender to You and lay at Your feet. Have Your way in me.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,looking to Jesus, the Founder and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:1-3 ESV